Uggh.

I’m sooooo dragging! I have NOT been good this week. My resolve is in tatters. I went to the doctor for my back. (Injury back in Dec.) I should NOT have gone. It just depressed me.

They said the same thing they always say…lose weight, and have a breast reduction. So, I asked if they would prescribe me Phentermine…she said “No.”…but maybe Dr. So-and-so will prescribe it. Umm…I have four kids under 5…I go to the doctor maybe once a year.

Okay…thanks…helpful. Buh-bye.

Well, you know what discouragement does…runs me straight into the loving arms of Ben and Jerry. I need a friend, a chocolate friend. Chocolate is always there for me, doesn’t judge me.

Feeling pretty sucky right now.

Erase today.

Today needs to be erased from my caloric memory. I went out to dinner with friends and to go see Avatar. I was out of the house…what else is there to do, but celebrate with FOOD!

Cravings.

It’s Super Bowl Time. A time filled with fried cheese sticks, hot wings, and jalepeno poppers. I’m seeing all this stuff on television, and even in the coupon ads I’m going through. I’m going crazy.

I don’t know what those celery sticks are doing there…it’s messing up everything.

It’s not even stuff I frequently eat! Even when I’m NOT devoted to eating healthy, but for some reason…my mouth starts watering at the very idea of all that deep fried goodness! I’m starting to feel like Homer Simpson!

I’m trying to focus on some healthy snack foods we can do…because otherwise I’m about to go cookie monster on some seriously naughty stuff!

See? All this stuff looks delicious too! While it may be on the healthier side, and not as fattening, it’s still a caloric gorge. But, I think we might be able to work something out for our football celebrations.

I’m off to eat some yogurt and mainline some Diet Coke.

Wednesday Shopping

I wasn’t able to get to the grocery store yesterday. I sent my partner in crime…well, at least my partner in life…to do it instead. He totally redeemed himself, using all the coupons I gave him. Good boy. Keeping within our budget is really hard when I’m cooking planned, healthy, meals. Eating healthy isn’t really that cheap. Sure, the veggies aren’t that expensive, but when you’re using them all for one meal…it adds up. They actually did a comparison, and calorie for calorie…healthy foods are MUCH more expensive.

Thankfully…we’re trying to reduce our caloric intake.

Weigh in part deux…

I did actually weigh myself at the doctor today. 269 lbs. So…we’ll just say I’ve lost 6 lbs in the last couple of weeks. That makes me feel good.

Weigh In

I hate not knowing how much progress I’m making…or not making. I love seeing the numbers go down every week as I’m losing weight. It motivates me to keep at it. The last time I weighed myself was several weeks ago at my parent’s house on vacation. I was a whopping 275 lbs.

Whopping? What a terrible, descriptive, word.

That was at the END of vacation…after loads of indulgence. I’m really hoping that it wasn’t a true representation of where I am starting out on this journey. But, the thing is…if I weigh myself today and I am significantly less than that…then I can pretend it was all done in the past couple of weeks. Although…what if I weigh myself and I am NOT significantly less than that…oh, lets not go there…I’m not sure I can handle it.

Well, lets just say 275 is my jumping off point anyway…because that way, I have an even 100 lbs to lose. 175 is my happy weight place. Okay…I’m taking #4 in today for a well-check, so I’ll be able to get myself on a scale. And….break!

Tuesday

Today I made a half egg-white omelet with fresh spinach, cilantro, and avocado. With just a sprinkle of cheese, and topped with fresh salsa. It was so ridiculously good! Plus, healthy! My hubby and I shared…it was a nice breakfast…even if we were in the center of a children-induced hurricane at the time.

I ate a Lean Cuisine with 260 calories, and a Lean Pocket with 230 calories, for lunch. I did finish of an oatmeal raisin cookie, and the last bite of a cheeseburger, from my kids…but meh. They were so small I’m calling them 100 calories combined.

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good about the day.

Monday and Diet Coke

I thought about cutting Diet Coke out of my diet. Ya know…to be healthy. But, then I was like…let’s not be silly. I can’t do that. I must have something I can have for a treat. One vice, if you will. So, my goal instead, is to balance out my Diet Coke with water. So, for every 44 oz. Diet Coke I drink…I match that with 44 oz. of water. And, yes…I can drink that much.

After my horrible failure yesterday…I’m recommitted today to start anew. I’ve had a single egg, with a single piece of dry wheat toast for breakfast. I’m planning on a Lean Cuisine for lunch…those make it SO much easier to manage my calorie intake.

I don’t care what people say about losing weight…it really all comes down to calorie consumption. I can lose weight, and still eat a Snickers bar…as long as I factor it into my calories for the day. My goal is around 1300 – 1400 calories per day. I’m a tall girl. 6 ft tall. So, I can do that much and still lose weight pretty fast. Don’t be too impressed with those numbers. It wasn’t until I had lost about 40 lbs that people started saying, “There’s something different about you…did you cut your hair?” Really. I wish I was kidding. There’s the joy of being tall.

I do miss my phentermine. That stuff did wonders for me. Now, it’s not some miracle drug, but it curbed my appetite. Granted it only worked for 3 months…I had to keep upping my dose to keep it working. But, after that time I was so trained that I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. Not too shabby. If I could get it done without going to the doctor, I would. Finding the time to stick the kids with someone else while I go to the doctor is a joke.

I do need to actually weigh in here sometimes soon though. Otherwise, I don’t know how much I’m losing. I’d like to say that I’m motivated purely by how I feel, and how my clothes fit…but that would be a lie. I LOVE seeing those numbers go down.

3 – I am weak

I totally caved to chocolate pressure today. It’s okay…I’ll do better tomorrow.

2 – So far, so good.

Okay, it’s Sunday. I’ve managed to make healthy meals for almost a week now, and eat healthy portions as well. The times I find it hardest to keep at this, is when I’m having a hard day. I’m a stress eater. And really…of all the ways I could deal with stress, eating is pretty benign. It’s not like I’m drinking, or popping pills to deal with stress.

Grocery shopping went relatively well, except that we lost our list. Well we didn’t really lose it…I put it on the fridge, and forgot it was there. Thankfully, my husband remembered most of the things he hadn’t gotten yet. I am freakishly list-dependent myself.

We spent 94 dollars…but saved 58. I was pretty proud. A lot of the stuff we got are things we use all the time, like canned diced tomatoes, canned corn, etc. It was Smith’s case lot sale this week. There are also Freschetta Pizzas on sale…and I ordered some coupons from ebay. So, I’m hoping to get those before the sale ends. If so, I will get them for half price with the coupons! My kids love pizza, but if we get pizza from Papa Murphy’s my hubby and I also end up eating a bunch. This way, the kids can have pizza, and we don’t have tons left over.

I have 2 kids that are sick right now, and I’ve gotten myself a little virus too, I guess didn’t want to feel left out. I’m trying to keep healthy meals at the top of my priority list. So far, I’ve succeeded. Today should be a breeze…roast is easy peasy.

Back to the stress eating…the thing I use to curb that urge to eat is Diet Coke. It’s calorie free, and that extra kick gives me enough stamina to get through the day. I know that when most people try to lose weight, they go whole hog…trying to cut out all unhealthy things. Well, I know my limitations. Besides, without one little vice…I think I’d go completely nuts.

FYI…this whole weight-loss/eating-healthy thing, does NOT include exercise. I’m just not there yet. I don’t have the time, or energy. Hopefully after I’ve dropped a few pounds, and we’re out of flu season…then we can address that issue.

Right now, I’m pretty proud that I’ve been able to do what I have, considering.